Dear Pinterest Bake Sale Mom,
First things first….I love you. Truly. Madly. Deeply. You are awesome.
A few years back, I used to be like some version of you. Not as good…but I was in the running for…something. Maybe Assistant Bake Sale Mom…if I’d played my cards right. And it’s not as if I evolved into some truer version of myself or something. I may have actually devolved a bit…and maybe one day when the pace is a little less I’ll revolve back over to the days when there were many wondrous, crafty, fulfilling things going on around here. Or maybe not.
These days I have banana bread.
My husband swears the only reason we buy bananas is so that I can make them into bread. My kids joke that I “say ‘I love you’ with banana bread”. Truth. Sometimes out loud too…but if I know someone’s having a tough day (thank you constant texting…I could do without the real time updates on everyone’s days, actually…) or it’s a big test day or something lousy is going down at school or there was a BFF blowout, I’ll make banana bread. With chocolate chips, because everything is better with chocolate chips. With 3 kids in the house, there’s a virtual tidal wave of mini-crises going on at any given time…and so I usually bake a couple of times a week.
Which brings me to your bake sale. When I said I would bake, I had an idea in my back pocket that, in case of a busy week (which is likely, what with holidays and life and all…) I could bake brownies or buy some refrigerated cookie dough and get ‘er done. I DO like to bake (see banana bread tirade above) but I also like to have a plan B. Plus, I’ve been to a bake sale or two in the past few years and it kind of looks like the real competition here is in the presentation. (Not that we’re competing…wink, wink.) Naturally, everything has to be individually wrapped…but gone are the days of the ziplock bag…now we have translucent take out containers, color-coordinated ribbons and cellophane…the works. This is a tad intimidating for someone who has DEVOLVED from the ranks of the crafty elite as thoroughly as I have.
It’s for a good cause though, and I was all in…until I got the email. We thought it would be nice, you said, if you could make copies of the recipe and attach them to each individual package. Ummm….recipe? What recipe? Do you mean the back of the box? Because there was a box of brownie mix…and then I was going to take some smashed up candy canes and sprinkle those bad boys on for the last 5 in the oven and…that was IT, Pinterest Bake Sale Mom. That was the entirety of my plan.
And so I’ve gone off the grid. Gone dark. I can’t face you, Pinterest Bake Sale Mom. You keep sending me emails that say “if you’re having trouble reading this email, please…” but I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, because I AM having trouble reading the emails. I think it’s mostly because I haven’t opened them.
I love you Pinterest Bake Sale Mom…and I bet your bake sale is going to be the best bake sale of all time! You’re going to raise all the money we need for…whatever it is we’re raising money for…and you’re going to do it 75 cents at a time. But you’re out of my league now, PBSM. I’m not ready to run with the big dogs. I’ll just eat the brownies myself…